It was a normal Tuesday. That turned out to be one that I will never forget. My mom had come for a visit. She had been sick earlier in the week. Due to her recent illness she was too weak to be home by herself. So she came up on Monday for a visit.

Tuesday morning I was up early as usual drinking my cup of coffee, eating a bagel. I got up a little earlier than usual to fix moms meds for her before she got up ,so I would know what she needed to take for her morning meds. Mom got up around 7 and to her usual routine. She went outside, drank her coffee and smoked her a cigarette.

I was still sitting on the couch finishing my coffee when mom said I think I’m going back to bed. She slept for a couple more hours before she got back up for the day. This is when life changed for all of us.

Something was different with mom. Earlier that morning she was her usual self. She moved about in a slower tone but when she got up from her nap she was weaker. I still didn’t think a lot about it. Mom had a heart condition (atrial fibrillation). When she was in this rhythm it made her weaker. So I was just watching her to make sure she was ok. By this time it was around 11 am. When I am at home I usually have a second cup of coffee around lunch. Before I could do that mom decided she wanted to go back outside and smoke. She wasn’t strong enough to go outside safely. She feel twice while trying to get up. I talked with her and and told her it wasn’t safe to get up by herself. But she wouldn’t listen.

Brian wasn’t home. It was only me, mom and Trinity. I got Trinity out of the bed to help me with mom.

We finally talked mom into setting still. I started fixing me a cup of coffee and something for lunch. Trinity was in the kitchen making herself some lunch. I sat down to eat my food and drank my coffee and noticed mom looked “different”. Before I got to drink my coffee I got up and walked over to mom. At that moment is when I noticed that mom wasn’t breathing, then I noticed she didn’t have a heart beat. I immediately started CPR. Mom was laying on the couch lifeless and I did what I knew to do. Chest compressions. Trin came running from the kitchen I ask her to call 911. After that we got mom on the floor and I continued CPR. It was 9 minutes from the time we called them until EMS arrived but it felt like a lifetime. Looking back on it now I got tired of doing compressions around the 5 minute mark.

It was me and Trin there. I was getting tired. I ask Trin if she could help me. She as you can imagine was terrified at what she was seeing. She said she couldn’t do it. I responded it’s ok babe and I continued doing compressions on my mom. A minute or so later I noticed that Trin kneeled beside me and ask how do do CPR. I showed her and she took over for me. After that we rotated to give me a break before EMS arrived.

That day Trin overcame her fear. Her fear of the unknown, the fear of worry, the fear of doubt. Her fear of “I can’t”. Trin was a lifesaver and helped give my mom a chance. A chance that I couldn’t give her by myself. I was tired and without her courage, without her overcoming her fear and doubt my mom would not have had a chance at life that day. Trin forever grateful I will be. Forever proud I will be. You make me proud to be your stepmom everyday but that day you were extra special. Thank you for finding the strength to do what was needed. Thank you for to not listening to your fears and for being courageous and fearless.

I love you more than you know and will forever be grateful. Because of you my mom at least had hope. Hope that I could not give her myself.

In memory of my mom who passed away that day. It was just her time. The time that the Lord needed her home. Despite our efforts to keep her with us another day.

Today I am speaking to new mothers or the mother that may be struggling with handling being the primary care giver. The mother that is trying to keep her mental health good all while trying to provide for her kid/kids. As I have talked about in previous post I became a mother at 16 years old. So, I had to grow up and learn to be a mother all at the same time. That may be your story or your story may be a little different than mine. What I want you to know is being a parent, specifically a mother is the hardest thing you will ever do. It is also the most rewarding and the most important thing that you can do.

I remember being that new mom. I can remember those long days and those even longer nights. I remember being exhausted mentally and physically. I remember thinking can I do this? Am I providing for my children in the way that they need? Let’s all face it being a mom is hard! Some days are harder than others. We can’t ever “clock out” from being mom. Some days it is total chaos and we wonder did I do anything right today?

My children are 27 and 24 and I still ask myself some of those questions. I sometime ask myself have I been the mother that they deserve, that they needed? Being a mother takes everything from you. As women we pour our whole heart into being a mother, we pour all of our energy, time and effort into raising and providing for our kids. It is how the Lord made us.

Here is what I want mothers, especially new mothers to know. Take time for yourself, take time to focus on you and your mental health. Remember we pour so much time and energy into being a mother but it is as equally important to take care of yourself. Take care of your needs, you’re mental, physical and spiritual needs. We can’t care for our children like they deserve if we don’t care for ourselves. I can’t stress this enough. I have had to learn this over the years. Even if you only have time to take 10 minutes a day for you, make it priority. You will think yourself for this. Remember once we are a mother, we are always a mother. So, you can’t afford to not care for yourself as well.

A mothers pray: My prayer for mothers

Today Lord I pray for all mothers. The new and the “seasoned” mothers. I pray that she knows that you are there for her and her children. I pray that she leans on you for guidance, for strength. I pray that in those time that she is scared, tired, sick, emotionally and physically drained that she leans on you and your promise that you go before her, that you walk beside her and that you stand behind her.

Where do I start? As early as a small child we are trying to learn who we are, where we fit in, who we are suppose to be and what we are suppose to do. For many years I didn’t think I belonged, I didn’t feel worthy, I felt beaten and wondered who I was and if I belonged? I have already shared with you that I had a child at the young age of 16. I have already shared with you that my father told me that I would not be anything. That is my history, but it did not define who I am today.

Life, it teaches use lots of lessons. Some of them are “good” lessons and some “bad”. One thing that I have learned is that you can be a better person because of them or you can choose to be defeated. The choice is up to you. If there is any young girls out there that can relate to my 16 and pregnant story, I want you to listen to these next few words.

We all have a story. We all have circumstances that we feel are out of our control. We can be overwhelmed with life. What I want you to know is I understand, I can relate, I feel your pain. I also want you to know that you’ve got this. Let me explain- years ago, when I was in your shoes I felt the same way. However, I want you to know that God has a purpose for your life. Don’t give up, don’t feel defeated. I look back on those days often and wonder how did I get past that? How did I have the courage to go back to school and finish my senior year of high school with a baby to care for? How did I do it? Perseverance, determination and grit. Even though I was scared, I was nervous about how I was going to take care of this child and myself at a young age. I knew that I had to do it. So, if I can rose above that, so can you!

I also had a great person to cheer me on. Without her I don’t know what I would have done. That person was my aunt. She loved me and believed in me. She wanted the best for me and invested in me. Find that person in your life that can be that strengthen for you when you don’t have it. If you don’t have that person in your life, let me know. I will help you find your way. Why, because your life matters!

Let’s all face it, we have endured a lot of changes since January. Some of them have been welcomed changes and some not so much. 2020 has been interesting to say the least and we still have four more months left. How do we remain calm, know that everything will be ok, know that we are still on this journey called life and know that we are here for a specific reason and that we are made to do great things?

I don’t proclaim to have the answers to life, however, I do know that even in the current year we are still on a journey. One that we must own, one that has a purpose, and that is made for great things. I wanted my first blog to be from my heart. One that speaks to everyone that reads this. It is sometimes hard to live this life, lets face it we all have stuff that we are dealing with.

Over the past year life has been teaching me lessons. For years I have been working on building my career. I have took several job changes in order to build my resume to obtain “the” job. I work in healthcare and have been blessed to obtain jobs that have increased my knowledge about the industry. For years I have been chasing my career. For years that has been my driving force, not my faith, my family but my career. There is nothing wrong with chasing that dream of obtaining that dream job. However, there are some things that I would caution you about. Don’t let that be how you define your worth.

Your value, your worth in life is not defined by a job, the amount of money you make in that job, what others think of you, the material things that you have etc. You are worth more than all of those things. You are made for greater things. I feel like I need to say it again…Your job, your career, your home, your current relationship, etc does not define who you are. I have learned this over the past year. For many year I have been chasing my career, I have allowed that career define who I am and am not. I have allowed my career define my worth in society. A career is important, having money is necessary to live but it is not most important. Knowing your worth and value even if those things fall apart is what matters.

So, how do we balance our work life and personal life? How do we not get caught up in the viscous cycle of allowing our career, what people think of us define who we are? For me I have the peace of knowing that no matter what life throws me I can handle it and I will be a better person because of it. I have decided to celebrate the good things and taking the struggles and choosing to be a better person because of them and not a victim of them.

One last story to help you understand why I know that I (we) are made for greatness and why I know that. I became pregnant with my daughter at the young as of sixteen. Yes, at such a young age. When my father found out that I was pregnant his reaction was one that I will never forget. The words that he spoke to me will forever be embedded in my brain. He said, “you will never be anything, you will never graduate from high school and I will never have anything to do with you or that baby as he was pointing at my pregnant belly”. That was a defining moment in my life. I could have chosen to be a victim of that situation. I could believe the lies that was being told to me. I could have chosen to believe that I would never be worth anything or obtain my goals in life. I was sixteen and still had a lot of life to live. Instead of believing those lies I chose to rise above them. I chose to believe and know that I was better than those lies that my father told me.

We are in control of our life, choose to own your life and not let what life throws you define who you are. I know that we are made for great things. You may ask how do I know that? I know it because our creator does not create anything else but greatness. We are made in the image of God and for that reason we are made for a purpose, we are made to lift others up, we are made to love others and we are made for a purpose. So, don’t let life define your worth, let what your faith tells you define your worth.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton